Growing Pains
Do you ever wonder what the benefits of growing intellectually would be to you as a person? It seems to me that we pay so much more attention to what someone else is saying about us and we’ve tended to amass tomes of information about a great many things yet, despite this, remain stunted in both our social skills as well as our intellectual growth. No all of us mind, but strange that isn’t it?
If one followed that train of thought to its logical conclusion, wouldn’t that mean we ought to be smarter? One might hope so. But what if we weren’t that organised? You seem shocked! Organised thinking? Isn’t that indoctrination?
Only if the influence were external and one wasn’t allowed to engage in further discourse or we weren’t allowed to question either the reasoning or rationale. In other words, something is stated and that’s that. To my way of thinking, that would be indoctrination. Has it ever occurred to you to become a more rigorous thinker? No? Why not? No really, I’m interested.
The thing is, that when we leave the formal education process behind us we tend to become lax. There’s no-one and no system to keep pushing us to the finals berth where we’re required to front up and sit a test that shows educational authorities we were at least there in body even if the results reflect a ‘not-quite-with-it’ in mind result! Why then, wouldn’t intellectual organisation be acceptable?
How would one organise one’s intelligence? Become a listener, ask questions then shut up. Listen to the answers of other people and resist the temptation to always want to be telling them your story when you asked them theirs. ‘Visit’ with people where they are, yes in an environmental sense but also emotionally, mentally. It’ll be so insightful.
Another way, is to get a mentor, someone you respect and someone who’s been MORE successful than you, it gives you a better perspective. Listen to criticism (however wrong about you you think it is), the ratio usually goes something like this, 50% of what the other person is saying has elements of truth in it, the other 50% is how you interpret it. It’s helpful to understand that criticism must be seen in the light of being an important truth that we need to get.
A word of CAUTION though if you’re the deliverer. Deliver the truth with grace and mercy. Ask yourself if you would still be standing after someone delivered the same truth to you. I’ve seen people flattened by careless deliverers of the ‘truth’ (and sometimes they were wrong).
When you bring criticism, be very very sure it’s coming from the right ‘intention’ and NOT some smug meeley-mouthed intention to put the other person on the straight and narrow. That would come from a cruel place.
And if it’s you on the end of the delivery, don’t be too defensive (although it’s a natural thing to feel) let the person deliver the message but also, thank them for what they’ve said and tell them you’ll consider what they’ve passed on. The reality is that there are useful truths and unhelpful ones (which I feel come from that cruel place).
We might not feel like we’re in control of our lives at that point but we haven’t lost our minds either. So draw the line in the sand. It’s okay to say, “thanks for the delivery but you can also say “thanks for coming” while politely directing them back out the door (especially if they deliver it to you at home).
The best kind of criticism we can get is the kind that we can grow from. It never feels great at the time but it will add something to the person you become if you let it.
